Beer Me, Mr. President!

I especially like this image because the custom T-shirt company that owns it has copyrighted text that makes no grammatical sense. 

*Updated February 20, 2017

It's President's Week — let's talk politics and beer! "But how can you link two such disparate subjects, Jenn?" Let me tell you: I'm going to have (at least) one high-ABV beer tonight (Dogfish's World Wide Stout, to be specific). Anything's possible, friends.

Let's start the aggregating. I'd be remiss if I didn't start by mentioning that our erstwhile commander-in-chief enjoys a good quaff now and again. President Obama imbibed his way down the 2012 campaign trail, handily defeating Mitt Romney with his brilliant social-drinking strategy (among other strategic devices — Jesus, I'm kidding, partisans!). He even debuted a recipe for his own honeylicious White House brew. (George Washington also had a scrumptious-sounding recipe for "small beer" that can be found in the New York Public Library's archives.)

Next we have BuzzFeed's pictorial of presidents drinking beer. Make sure you don't miss the shot about halfway down of the guy dumping a can of hops over Nixon's head. I also found this Reagan photo nestled snugly in Google Images between a pensive George Dubya pounding a pint and Obama drinking what appears to be a luscious Guinness milkshake — go Gipper!

Clay Risen's article covers ALL of the hooch (not just the beer) found behind past POTUS bars, but it's a fun, quick read. Where else will you come across these words, in this exact order: "Barack Obama doesn't just home-brew beer. He IS a home-brewed beer." Bill Clinton is a "Fresca spiked with old Grand-Dad," in case you're wondering. Mitt Romney is a Shirley Temple.

In October 2014, the New York Post ran a complete list of every president's drink of choice, which contained some interesting facts and more than a few recipes (the "McKinley's Delight" includes absinthe, if you're looking to hit it out of the park at your Presidents Day party).

My favorite post, though, is "The 11th Drunkest Presidents in US History." If you want to know which of our forefathers drank beer for breakfast, which president boasted an "Andre the Giant–like tolerance" to his spirits, and which libation-loving leader headed over to the local distillery every Sunday morning for a 10-gallon jug of whiskey, this is what you should be perusing while you're shoving those greasy eggs down your throat during that Monday-morning hair-of-the-dog thing you do.

Draft magazine tempers it a bit by simply listing the 12 presidents "that would be amazing Oval Office drinking buddies." 

Want to know why they called Rutherford B. Hayes' wife "Lemonade Lucy?" You'll have to read Rick Lyke's rankings of the best and worst presidents for beer. (Hint: She didn't earn her nickname in a Mike's Hard Lemonade kind of way.)

This is a more complete VinePair ranking of all 50 presidents in terms of their booziness, and surprisingly, teeetotaler Donald Trump doesn't come in last.

Don't forget those who feel compelled to drink when they're around presidents. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has admitted to throwing a few back not once, but twice right before Obama's State of the Union addresses. This is why we may need to get an RBG tattoo.

In a shoutout to beer snobs everywhere, the definitive proof that George Washington wouldn't be caught dead drinking a Coors Lite can be found here.

There have even been entire political parties formed around beer — including, much to my delight, the Ukrainian Beer Lovers Party, a short-lived totalitarian initiative dedicated to beer and ONLY the beer, comrades. And also to "the awakening and raise of the people's dignitiy through the cultural education." [SIC] 

So drink up. It's what William Howard Taft (the "Bluto of American presidents," according to Risen's analysis) would want you to do. Here are a few presidential/politically themed beers to get you through the long four-day workweek (longer if you have an unpatriotic employer). There were far fewer than I thought there would be, which makes me sad and longing to drink whatever nonpresidential beer I have left in my fridge. If you know of any others that might fit into this category, please let me know for future roundups. 

If you don't trust my admittedly unscientific vetting procedure (typing a slew of SEO-friendly terms into search engines) for these "recommendations," check out this infographic to see which pilsners and porters you should be pouring down your parched pharynx based on your politics. I'm drunk. Huzzah!

POTUS Potables

Fireside Chat is a spiced English ale usually only available during the holiday season. I've tried it, because I'm a sucker for kindly looking FDRs in pleasing red smoking jackets, but it's not that great. I think an intern stirred it with cousin Teddy's Big Stick. The only thing we have to fear is the beer itself!

I'm too young to personally remember Billy Beer, but this train wreck of a brand endorsed by President Jimmy Carter's hard-partying younger brother was epic. I suspect it wasn't very good, since this Mental Floss story reveals that Billy would get wasted at promotional events for the product and then admit to reporters that he still sucked down PBR at home. I wasn't going to include it in this list, because it's not available for purchase anymore that I know of (except for HERE), but the tale of its spectacular marketing fail will intoxicate you.

What are the 50 most patriotic beers in the US of A? Wouldn't you like to know. (Yes, you would, which is why you will now click on this link to find out.)

Lame, right? But this photo made me laugh, because it looks like the shell has its arm around the beer like they're pals, and Portlandia is on in 10 minutes. Aren't you glad I didn't write about telecommuting? Conch!