To My Intended:
I'm Marlow, with a high-ABV IPA, a laptop, and a front-row seat on a Verizon FiOS riverboat up this RNC Congo.
You're Marlow, witnessing my journey into the heart of Ohio's Inner Station.
Together, our Marlow tag-team can peer through the jumbled jungle to document this stream-of-consciousness moment when we turned the final corner in Cleveland, barreling full steam ahead toward our Kurtz.
Talking heads, megaphone-enhanced background barking, unintelligible chants with eerie, stomach-turning emotional clarity.
"Osama, Obama, and yo mama," delivered with evangelical drama, feigning liberal-induced trauma.
Make America One (Piece of Shit) Again.
I don't know if I can take the CNN Lizard Lady for hours on end. She reminds me of Faye Grant in 1983's V on NBC. Which is weird, because V was based on Sinclair Lewis' It Can't Happen Here, which, per Wikipedia, "describes the rise of Berzelius 'Buzz' Windrip, a populist United States senator who is elected to the presidency after promising drastic economic and social reforms while promoting a return to patriotism and traditional values and" OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!
Maybe we should make everyone watch V again. And then its early-80s counterpart The Day After. Because that's what might happen next. Osama, Obama, yo mama, drama, trauma, Hiroshama...
I wonder if Trump will screw up the theme of "Law and Order" and wax nostalgic about Jerry Orbach. No one puts Donald in a corner.
(I'm not funny. This shouldn't be funny. It isn't funny. Nothing's working. Stay with me.)
There are larger, rounder, more hateful cornfed versions of me in the crowd, gawking glassy-eyed at the speakers onstage. Also, a guy who looks like Bob Barker. Spays and neuters for all!
Pretty sure Marsha Blackburn is wasted.
Fallin, felon, yellin', Magellan, stumbling upon the wrong America...
Is this like the little man in the refrigerator who turns the light off when you shut the door?
Mis. Ter. Bean. For you, Reince—enough is enough (is enough):
Ha ha, that guy dressed like Lincoln, tho:
Gawker spiked Peter Thiel's mochaccinos.
"I feel like the anchovy on Ivanka's Caesar salad. I feel like the rice pudding in Donald's gray matter. Man, I feel like..." (FF to 0:47)
Tom Barrack Obama. It's getting late.
Avocados, anchovies, what "a" food is next...
Lyin' Ivanka.
New campaign song: "Strong Man," set to the tune of Bowie's "Starman."
Trump, Dump, Rump, Hump, Mumps, EVERYONE'S GOING TO DIE NO ONE GOT THE MMR VAX BECAUSE DONALD SAID IT'S DUMB Dump Hump Rump Trump.
Camacho Camacho Camacho Camacho Camacho Camacho
CamachoCamachoCamachoCamachoCamachoCamacho
Camacho
Camacho
Camacho
Camacho
Camacho
MACHO
Camacho
Camacho
Camacho
Camacho
Camacho
Camacho...
The horror. The horror.
Tweets and treats at @jenngidman.
