Day 77: It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day!

This will be me in just a couple of months.

Holy crap.

What have I just done?

I've just pressed the "Submit" button to register for this insanity, that's what I've just done.

For those uninitiated in the glory of Warrior Dash, here's a description from the site: "Warrior Dash is the ultimate event for thrill-seeking athletes. This running series is held on some of the nation's most demanding and unique terrain. Participants will conquer extreme obstacles and celebrate their feat with music, beer, warrior helmets and muddy shorts."

The 3.23-mile Northeast course I'll be competing in features such obstacles as ascending a slate wall, speed-stepping through hundreds of tires, stumbling down a muddy mountainside, burrowing through narrow tunnels, and traversing a gully on a wooden plank. Also, jumping over "Warrior fires" and scrambling under barbed wire. At the end, organizers reward your efforts with giant turkey legs, music, and beer.

This link for "the craziest frickin' day of your life" came down my Facebook feed a couple of weeks ago. My husband posted it for me, knowing I'm a huge Eco-Challenge/Ironman/Amazing Race fan. My first reaction was my typical one whenever I come across such adventure-type challenges: jealousy and envy that I couldn't don Viking headgear and a cute little Warrior T-shirt and sprint for several miles through the mud and infernos and cargo nets and god knows what else.

Then I got to thinking: Why couldn't I do it?

The logistics don't seem insurmountable: It's in Windham, New York, where my aunt and uncle live, so I'd have a place to crash, and immediate family would be available to take me to the ER should I tempt the Grim Reaper during my run. The race isn't till mid-September, which gives me adequate time to up my running ante and whip myself into warrior shape. And my kids are old enough that I could leave home for one weekend to do something for my own self-fulfillment (or self-destruction, depending on how you look at it).

And that's what it comes down to for me. I need the mental boost. I've been trying to reinvent myself after a year of shitty unemployment, and while I've succeeded on some level, I'm still feeling a little lost. I've also become overtaken by this "Mommy" person 24/7. As much as I like that formidably awesome person, I'd like to bring my other, grown-up self back into the mix, that missing-in-action individual who wouldn't be able to name all of the characters on SpongeBob SquarePants if her life depended on it.

Plus, if I don't shake up my life routine every now and then, I end up crashing catatonic on the couch for more hours than I'd care to admit, zoned out watching The Bachelorette with a Heineken in one hand and the ball-and-chain I call my laptop in the other. I don't appreciate change initially, but sometimes I force myself to go outside of my comfort zone (or an external stimulus does the forcing for me), and it always invigorates me when I do.

Yet, despite all of these compelling reasons to throw caution to the wind, the emotion that swept over me as I pressed the "Submit" button this morning was intense, paralyzing fear. I immediately had buyer's remorse: What the hell am I doing? Running on the treadmill and around the neighborhood, faithfully watching Survivor every season, and having an affinity for Scandinavian culture (my son's middle name is Thor) and free brewskies upon completion of a difficult task does not qualify you to do this, I chastised myself. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, MOTHER OF TWO APPROACHING 40 WHO HAS TROUBLE GETTING OUT OF BED EVERY MORNING AND WHO USUALLY TROLLS THE PARKING LOT FOR THE CLOSEST SPOT?!

After that feeling subsided (somewhat), it started to dawn on me: I already am a warrior of sorts. I work, I go to graduate school, I mother (both my children and my husband), I manage (the bills, the household chores, the harried schedules of four people who usually don't know if they're coming or going without the gentle guidance of my pink-and-brown Dayrunner). I while away the hours vacuuming Cocoa Pebbles out of the couch cushions, cleaning Crayola marker off of the walls, coming up with meal ideas that at least 25 percent of the people in my household will eat, looking up Wii cheats on the Internet, and wiping people's butts because they have not yet mastered such skills themselves -- I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING!

I'll be doing this race alone. My husband had expressed half-hearted interest in competing with me, but his shoulder surgery is set for early August and he won't be fully recuperated enough to participate. Did I mention I don't do well in the heat? Still, I'm excited about doing something I've never done before (a 5K), and doing it in as extreme a way as possible.

My training starts today. Follow me on my journey. Do not laugh at me or I'll beat you with a turkey leg.